


Fate is a bitch

by pancakevodoo



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, M/M, POV Wade Wilson, Tumblr Prompt, Wade Wilson Breaking the Fourth Wall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:07:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23417956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pancakevodoo/pseuds/pancakevodoo
Summary: Wade Wilson is so done with the boxes. They are most definitely trying to force him into a romantic plot and he is having non of their shit.Might change his mind though, when he realizes what a sweetheart Peter is.
Relationships: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson
Comments: 1
Kudos: 101





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> [white box]  
> {yellow box}

Deadpool was sitting on the balcony of his current apartment, in full custom and staring into the night. Well he was sitting on the railing and swinging his legs to the sweet tunes of the pussicat dolls.

[Jump.]

Okay, so white wasn‘t in the mood today.

Every normal person has the thought of jumping go through their head while standing at a high place, but see Wade wasn‘t normal. He could very easily jump, break all his bones and then walk away. He was...

{We‘re so not doing this introduction part}

[They already know who you are and everyone hates the fucking origin story repetition]

„Party poppers. „

Wade decided against jumping, because causing trauma to the tenants of the apartment building by killing himself in front of their windows was in his top 3 reasons for being kicked out. Money wasn‘t a problem, but having to move all his stuff to a new apartment building without something exploding along the way was.

Wades‘ windows were directly facing the neighboring buildings‘ apartments and he could totally watch the people there have sex, if they didn‘t have the brains to pull the blinds. Not that he would do that, he was trying to be a better man and all that shabazz.

A light in the apartment directly facing his went on and he could clearly see the brunette man standing inside. There were boxes all around on the floor and the place looked like a mess, he was clearly just moving in. The new man spotted Deadpool and waved with a freandly smile. Strange, considering that his reputation of a killing lunatic proceeded him everywhere that he went, most people weren‘t very happy to find out he was their neighbor. 

[You should totally wave back, look what a cutie he is!] 

„I‘m not fucking waving back.„

Wade went as fast as he could inside, pulled the blinds and turned all the lights off just to be safe.

„I know exactly where this is going, I‘m crazy, not fucking stupid. „

{I have absolutely no idea what are you talking about} 

„Yeah it just so happens that a cute friendly man moves next to me, waves at fucking Wade Wilson, the man everybody avoids. Than we start borrowing sugar from each other or some shit, fall in love and fuck on the rooftop under the stars.„

[Why would you borrow sugar from someone you don‘t know.] 

{Yeah, what if they are a serial killer and poison you} 

„Okay he borrows cocain. The point is, I‘m not in the mood for your stupid games, so stop playing Cupid. „

Wade was so done. After his last girlfriend got killed, he had decided that there would be no more attachments. Also not joining any superhero organizations. So far everything that was the boxes‘ idea had turned into some grand scheme that eventually left Wade more fucked up than before. He was content with working as a mercenary, because people didn‘t hire him to fight crime, or uncover grand schemes to end the world. It was more in the lane of: my business partner wants 70% of my bitcoin profits, so imma have him beat up by this sketchy guy. Threatening abusive boyfriends and stalkers wasn‘t a superheros‘ job and that‘s why Deadpool was more than happy to do it. 

Wade slipped off the costume hurling it on the floor, next to a box of pizza that was his roommate for as long, as he had lived in this apartment. So like a month. 

[And they were roommates] 

{Stop it, vine is dead} 

„Not until I die, so it won‘t be for a very long time. "

Arguing with the boxes and watching vine compilations that were claiming to cure his depression, were something like Wades‘ hobbies. There weren‘t any hits requested for this night, so he decided to scroll through social media and maybe learn the renegade.  
[Back in my day we ate cinnamon and kicked our friends in the shins for clout]


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh-em-gee they are finally meeting

Wade woke up in the late afternoon, stomach rumbling from hunger. 

[What are we eating] 

{idk you choose} 

[Pizza?] 

{No, not this} 

„I don‘t wanna hear from both of you, I‘m eating Macdonalds.“

There was always hope that palm oil and trans fats would kill him, even if everything else fails. 

Back in the day, Wade would walk around town only as Deadpool, but these days he was more laid back. Wearing a hoodie and sunglasses to hide his face was good enough. There were other things for people to be disgusted by. Like furries. 

[Don‘t kinkshame, you never know who is reading] 

It was too early for this. Well... It was early somewhere. Wade had already dressed himself in his civilian attire and was heading out to the nearest macdonalds. Outside on the sidewalk was parked a moving truck, one belonging to a company that Wade was banned from after a few boxes of ammo they were moving for him exploded. He did warn them to be gentle, so totally not his fault. His new neighbor was standing next to the truck, talking to the driver. 

[You should help him with the boxes, look how tiny he is] 

That was exactly what Wade was not gonna do. He continued the walk to his destination a couple blocks down. Once in, he decided that the place was too packed, sad considering all these non-immortal people were killing themselves with bigmacs. He ordered food for like 3 people, that he was definitely eating alone and decided to head back to his apartment. 

Once home, Wade shoved the trash and guns piled on his kitchen counter on the floor and after giving up on trying to find a clean plate, decided he was going to use a my little pony poster as one. From his kitchen window he could see that the brunette was still struggling with the moving boxes. The other man suddenly looked straight at him, making direct eye contact. 

[Act sexy] 

Wade laughed at the thought of him being sexy. He just turned on his heels like nothing happened and plopped himself on the dirty couch, that was proudly sitting in the middle of his kitchen. Ignoring fate away, sounded like a good option. Not even 5 minutes later there was a knock on his door. 

„I‘m coming, whoever it is open your vomiting bag.“

People would usually try to act nice and not stare, but he couldn‘t judge them if they wanted to run. 

For his surprise at the door was no other, but his new neighbor. 

„I-I‘m sorry if I offended you somehow. Just wanted to get to know my new neighbors. „ 

Up close the man was even prettier. Big brown doe eyes that were now sadly staring up at Wade, yes up, because the brunette was a lot shorter than him. He suddenly felt bad for ignoring him earlier. 

„You didn‘t offend me baby boy, I just didn‘t think you would be up for a chat with someone like me. „

„Peter, my name is Peter. „

Well Wade couldn‘t deny that Peter was a total cutie. Even the boxes were quite. 

„And why wouldn‘t I want to talk with Deadpool. That‘s you right? „

„That‘s exactly why. „

Wade chuckled and opened the door wider jesturing to Peter to go in. Yeah, know that he looked back at his apartment it probably wasn‘t a good idea. There were trash and clothes on the floor, not to mention his weapons propped up against every wall and piled in every corner. Peter was looking around more with amusement than disgust which was good. 

„Aren‘t you afraid something is going to blow up in here? „

He was looking at one particulary big grenade on the floor. That Wade quickly kicked under the sofa. 

[I know something you can blow sweetheart] 

„Nah I‘m Deadpool, remember the whole not dying part. You can call me Wade though. „

„So you don‘t care about your identity? „

„There aren‘t lots of people that care anyway. I‘m not spiderman. „

When he said that, Peter tripped on the carpet but tried to play it cool. 

[Foreshadowing] 

{That‘s just lazy writing if you ask me} 

„You‘ve got guns, that makes you cooler. „ 

Peter smiled at him and honestly it had been so long since someone had smiled at Wade, that it felt like a fresh breath of air after an hour of hotboxing.

[Nic 2000]

The only other person that was ever friendly with him was Spiderman, it had happened on a couple instances to cross paths with him, while fighting the big bads. Wade couldn‘t lie that the he was the only superhero he liked. 

„Aren‘t you like a bit disgusted by my fugly mug?„

Peter looked at him, like even the thought of that offended him. 

„It‘s what‘s on the incide that matters!„

[That‘s what ugly people say] 

„Whatever you say baby boy.„

Peter blushed a bit, apparently he liked the nickname. And Wade liked his ass. Peters‘ phone beeped and he looked at the screen with a sigh. 

„I have to go, but we can see each other later? t‘s still very messy, but you could come over if you want. We can eat dinner and play video games or something.“

Peter was looking at his feet, blushing even more which made him look even cuter if that was possible. 

„I‘m definitely coming then. „

He winked at Peter who now looked like he was having troubles breathing. God it had been so long since he last flirted. As the other man was leaving he gave him a cutesy wave and this time Wade waved back. He even blew him a kiss. As the door closed the merc sat on the floor, staring at the wall. 

„I‘m so fucked. „

[I wanna fuck]

**Author's Note:**

> Tumbr promt: The protagonist realizes they are being forced into a romantic subplot and does everything they can to avoid it


End file.
